


Excerpts - Love, Death & Radiation

by your_narratress



Series: Patreon Previews - April 2021 [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cigarettes, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Fighting, Hurt, M/M, Modern AU, Modern Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Office Work, Secrets, Sick Character, Smoking, aot - Freeform, eruri - Freeform, snk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29630247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_narratress/pseuds/your_narratress
Summary: Normally, there are no secrets between Erwin and Levi. It seems though, that Levi suddenly has something important to hide from his husband. When Erwin finds out what it is, he is torn between rage and empathy.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Series: Patreon Previews - April 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2193618
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

The apartment was cool when Levi entered. The fan had obviously done its work. The curtains were still closed and it made everything look a little darker, but at least it kept out the heat from outside. This summer was surely a challenging one. All the hydration in the world couldn’t stop people from fainting on their way home. There had been more cases in Phoenix this year already than in the last two years combined.  
The silver key rack next to the door told Levi that Erwin wasn’t home yet. He was glad about it, even though he really loved his husband. He hung his keys on the rack. There were no work clothes to take off except for his shoes, since the heat had forced the companies to abandon most of their dress codes. Still, Levi was going to change into a new set of clothes after taking a shower. The fabric was sticking to his skin due to the sweat.

* * *

When stepping out of the shower, Levi heard steps in front of the bathroom and figured that Erwin was home by now. He sighed. The cool water had managed to cool his mind down as well. It was all going to be fine, he thought.  
With dry skin, a white shirt and light gray pants on, Levi walked into the living room to find Erwin sitting on the couch, reading the newest issue of the Phoenix New Times.

“Hey,” Levi said. “The bathroom is free now if you wanna take a shower.”

Erwin turned his head around to Levi. “Hey,” he smiled, “Yeah, I’ll definitely do that.”

Levi made his way into the kitchen and took a look into the fridge. He was hungry, but he wasn’t really up for eating anything too warm. In his mind the image of an iced coffee formed. He almost moaned at the thought and immediately checked the freezer for ice cubes. His throat was sore and burning and this would be just the right thing to go for.

“Erwin, do you want an iced coffee as well?” he asked loudly.

“Oh, please”, Erwin replied, his voice reaching Levi from what sounded like their closet. Levi reached for the ice cubes and closed the fridge. Then proceeded to prepare the drinks for both of them.  
When Erwin joined him in the kitchen, Levi had already half finished his glass and there was a blissful look on his face.

“How was work?” Erwin asked. “I read that article of yours from last week finally. It was really good.”

“It was a nice topic, I really got lost in it”, Levi said. “But unfortunately, this weeks articles aren’t quite as entertaining to work on. Still, I’m getting on with them. How about you?”

Erwin took a sip of his coffee and sighed. “First, thank you so much,” he said, pointing at the drink. “Second, well, it was alright. Nothing out of the ordinary today.”

“I see-”, Levi said, then got cut off by his own coughing and added, “Pardon me.”

Erwin chuckled. “Is the coffee too cold for you?”

“Yeah, well, that’s what my body says, anyways”, Levi responded, clearing his throat. “Now, I’m still hungry. I don’t feel like eating anything heavy though.”

Erwin looked over Levi’s body, hoping he wouldn’t notice. But Erwin was concerned that his husband would get lost in the thought of needing to keep his weight down. Because that really wasn’t the case. Levi looked as stunning as he had always looked. But of course Levi was aware of his good looks.

After years of working as a journalist, Levi worked his way into really well known companies and wrote for many well known magazines. By now, his name was just as known as the names of those magazines. Erwin was really proud of him. But he didn’t need to be, because Levi’s self confidence had grown so much over the years that he didn’t need anyone to feel proud of him. The way he worked, the way he dressed, even the way he moved was showing his confidence. And it wasn’t all just confidence, it was pride, really, even arrogance sometimes. But Erwin didn’t mind. Levi had fought out of his past life and in Erwin's eyes he had every right to be proud of himself. It had gotten to the point where many marketing agencies realized that Levi wasn’t just skilled but also good looking. And they started casting him for photo shoots as well. Levi wouldn’t accept all kinds of opportunities though. He only picked out the jobs that he found up to his standards and presentable. And fuck, were those photos presentable. Erwin thought it might sound weird to people, but he actually owned every last issue that Levi had ever been in. He really appreciated Levis style of writing, but hell, he also appreciated his looks. But sometimes Erwin was worried that Levi would sink into the thought mechanism that so many models had and would start starving himself just to be skinny. He didn’t think Levi was the type to give in to the system like that, but it was obvious that he had lost some weight during the last few weeks.

“We can always just go for a salad,” Erwin said. “I wouldn’t mind. As long,” he said and looked Levi directly in the eyes, “as it’s only because of the heat.”

“It is only because of the heat,” Levi sighed, standing up. Erwin frowned. He didn’t know whether Levi was just saying what he wanted to hear.

* * *

It was an hour later when Levi had dinner ready. Aside with the salad he also had made a little bit of chicken breast and that calmed Erwin down a little. The sun was sinking by now and luckily they had a little bit of shade on their balcony, so they decided to have dinner outside. While eating, Levi’s mood seemed to tense. He gazed into the far distance and when Erwin asked him something, Levi seemed to be a little startled and lost in other thoughts.

“Are you alright?” Erwin asked.

“Yeah, fine,” Levi said.

Erwin hated pushing people to talk, so he let it go. He changed the topic.

“So, since you are going home to your uncle on the weekend, I thought I’d buy a little present because I can’t come with-”

“I’m not going,” Levi said to his surprise.

“You’re not?” Erwin asked. “Isn’t it his birthday?”

“It is,” Levi said. He seemed indifferent and continued to gaze into the distance.

“Did you have an argument with him or something?” Erwin asked, still hating to pull out the information like that.

“No, nothing like that,” Levi sighed and finally looked at Erwin. “It is just … you’re more important.”

Not having expected a comment or a reason like that, Erwin didn’t know what to say. Something sure was up, because there was no way this could be the reason to cancel a simple weekend trip. They had been living together for five and a half years and so they already had plenty of weekends spent together in that time. But Levi obviously didn’t want to talk about it.

“Would you like to go and buy a present with me tomorrow then?” he tried. “If you’re not going, we can send it to him instead.”

“Sounds good,” Levi said. There was a little bit of relief in his voice and Erwin was happy to hear it. If this was how he could help, he would.

[...]


	2. Excerpt #2 - Love, Death & Radiation

[...]

It was the next day when Levi woke up coughing - and in fear of waking Erwin up he hurriedly got to his feet and went out on their balcony, closing the door behind himself. This was the furthest he could get without leaving the apartment. He tried to calm down and steady his breath. But it still took a few minutes for him to stop coughing. When he felt save enough to go back inside, he quietly opened the door and listened carefully. There was absolutely no sound and a wave of relief rushed through him. Erwin was still asleep. Barefoot, Levi sneaked into the kitchen to poor himself a glass of water.

When Erwin woke up, Levi wasn’t there. He must have gotten up early, Erwin thought. It was something Levi sometimes did when he wanted to get some work done even before going to the office. It made him feel in control of his day and sometimes he could go home early or get more work done in advance. When he walked into the kitchen, Erwin found a note though. It was pinned to the fridge, saying that Levi was sorry to leave so early but he had forgotten about an appointment. Erwin frowned, because Levi never forgot about appointments. Nevertheless he shrugged it off and went to make himself some breakfast.

At the same time, Levi wasn’t entirely sure about how good his excuse really was. Still, he was sure he could manage to keep Erwin’s doubts at bay if there were any.

The air was thick in the office, just like it had been the entire week. Opening the windows was no good. And in the heat, Levi’s thoughts took him to places he would have rather ignored. Looking at his computer, he wasn’t quite as focused on his article as he would have normally been. He tried to pull himself together. He had made his decisions. And he would stick to them. During lunch break, he got himself a cold drink to cool himself down. He blinked once or twice and shook his head, as if trying to shake something off. Then he went downstairs to calm himself down.

After work, Levi went home just like the day before. This time though, Erwin was already there to greet him. Levi took a little detour through the kitchen on his way to the bathroom, which he regretted just a few moments later. Erwin came to join him to ask whether he should prepare an early dinner. When Levi didn’t find an excuse quickly enough to escape his embrace, he squeezed his eyes shut, praying. But that was no good. Erwin stopped dead in his movements and Levi heard him inhale.

What Erwin smelled was something that sent a shock through his body. He never would have thought that after all these years this would happen again.

“Levi,” he said, his voice earnest, “Can you explain yourself?”

Levi freed himself from the embrace of the taller man and looked up at him. He wasn’t avoiding Erwin’s gaze, but he didn’t say anything either and only lifted an eyebrow.

“You know what I’m talking about,” Erwin said, anger now more audible in his voice.

“You must be used to the smell by now. You do know that most of my colleagues still smoke. I can’t make their decisions for them. And it’s not gonna stop me from spending my breaks with them”, Levi said, reasonable voice. It drove Erwin even madder.

“Why the fuck are you lying to me, Levi?”

Levi blinked. “How are you so quick with your accusations?” His voice was threatening now.

Erwin didn’t even reply to that. He turned around on the spot, walking back into the hallway and in not more than a few seconds he found what he was looking for in Levi’s bag. The sight brought back memories. He gave a cold snort, went back to the kitchen and placed the black and gold package on the counter. He stared at Levi with furious eyes. The fact that his husband had started to smoke again only struck him with surprise. But the fact that he had lied to him had him fuming.

“You were just gonna hide it from me?” Erwin asked when Levi stayed silent.

“Looks like it,” Levi scoffed.

“Don’t give me this!” Erwin shouted. “We’ve been through this before! There’s no way I ever thought you’d-” Erwin stopped, disbelief clouding his brain. After a while, still enraged, he asked, “Why?!”

“Because,” Levi said, his eyes narrow and his voice cold.

“No. You’ve been clean for five years. This doesn’t come without a reason. It can’t,” Erwin said, almost pleading Levi to explain. He was desperate for a decent reason, because it just couldn’t be that Levi started to smoke again when he had been so happy to get over this addiction. But Levi didn’t respond.

“How long?” Erwin tried, even though he really didn’t want to know. The conversation felt weirdly like discovering an affair that had been going on behind his back. Only that it was an affair with cigarettes.

“Hasn’t been that long,” Levi said at last.

“Fucking hell, Levi,” Erwin said. He just stared at him. “Why? Why would you do that? I just don’t understand!”

And suddenly it looked like Levi was desperate as well.

[...]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another part of the story!  
> For reading the full story, remember to check my [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/your_narratress/) for all Updates concerning my Patreon project :)  
> I'm always happy about feedback and comments! 🤗

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, thanks for reading!  
> If you want to read the full story, make sure to check out my [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/your_narratress/), because I'll publish it on Patreon.  
> There will be a second excerpt from this story soon!  
> Feedback is appreciated!  
> Your Narratress :)


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